Valentine's Day 2014

This year, the week of Valentine's day was super busy! Besides work for me and school for Adam, our dishwasher broke on the 12th, we had a ward progressive dinner on the 13th and we made a dessert for it on the 12th, Adam had a huge paper due at midnight on the 14th, I had a friend's wedding to attend to and help out at on the 14th, and Adam volunteered to show perspective Physical Therapy students around campus on the morning of the 15th. I, for one, have been super tuckered out!

Although Adam was trying to work like a madman on his paper, he took a break to help make the cake for the progressive dinner.

We made two Chocolate Oreo Cookie Cakes. They were delish and were a big hit!

Since this week held so much chaos for both of us, we held our Valentine's Day celebrations yesterday. It was kind of neat because we realized it had been 5 years since Adam had proposed! I was in charge of planning this year and while it was no where near what Adam has planned for us in the past, it was still fun and we improvised a lot. We started out by grabbing a quick lunch from the value menu at the Wendy's drive thru and a smoothie from Jamba. Then we perused the clearance Valentine's items at a few stores. Next, we played 2 rounds of bowling at ISU. We each won a game. Then, we went and played a round of miniature black light golf... which Adam won. We spent a little time wandering through furniture stores looking at couches, dining tables, and beds. We were just dreaming. Then we ate a delightful dinner at the new Mackenzie River Pizza. Finally, we came home and watched the US hockey team beat the Russian hockey team by a hair in the winter Olympics and we also watched Ender's Game from Redbox.

5 YEARS LATER AND WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!!!

Happy Valentine's Day

Ok, this is totally unrelated to Valentine's day, but important enough to me that I thought I would share. Consider it my Valentine gift to you- an infertility awareness of sorts.

Shortly after our last miscarriage, I was looking at puppies for sale on KSL E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y. I was desperately hoping that our landlord would let us get a puppy and was convinced that was the only way that I was going to heal and move forward. Now, I only occasionally look at KSL and it is mostly for the area news. I am glad that I looked today because there was this great article:

Infertility requires a changing dynamic in friendships
February 13, 2014

SALT LAKE CITY — One of the best parts of life is traveling through it with friends. You may attend school together, start your first jobs at the same time, then transition into adulthood, which may mean marriage and children. Infertility is often a divergent path for some friendships, but it doesn't have to be.
Many women who are experiencing infertility watch as their friends become pregnant and experience childbirth. An event that is life-changing is now a topic of conversation that may become “sticky” among friendships.
Just like most personal events, it’s difficult to understand infertility if you haven’t lived it. People understand things like cancer better. Interestingly, studies completed by Dr. Alice Domar suggest those experiencing infertility have the same levels of stress as those recently diagnosed with cancer. Regardless, the pain of infertility is largely misunderstood and at times not taken seriously.
Those experiencing infertility often hear “don’t worry it will happen, maybe if you just relax.” Being relaxed has no correlation with conception.
Here are a few things to think about if someone you care about is experiencing infertility.

• Don't minimize. Infertility is the death of a dream. Many couples imagine and plan for their family well in advance. When it starts to become clear that this may not be a reality, they feel a loss of control, disappointment in one's body, and anger. Reproduction is often viewed as a basic human task, not being able to do what, on a most basic level, our bodies are “meant” to do, can be quite devastating. Many of us ascribe to the idea that if we work hard for something we will achieve it; infertility flies in the face of this concept. In particular, during "child-bearing years," couples may feel they have jumped through the hoops of education, employment and financial stability only to find that a family (created in the traditional way) isn't easily attainable.
  Your friends are facing a loss of something they always thought would be there. It can't be underestimated.
• Rely on other friends or family to discuss your pregnancy. If you are expecting and an infertile friend is not, share your joys and complaints with other friends or family. Although it is sad you aren't able to share such a rite of passage with a friend, you'll save your friendship if you rely on other parts of your support network during this time. For someone trying to conceive, the birth of a child may too much to talk about and be reminded of. They won't feel this way forever, just honor the time that they do.
• Show them you care. Do what you would do if someone had a newly diagnosed condition, which could mean casseroles, cards, flowers, long lunches with a listening ear. This isn't anything different. Let them know that you want to be supportive. Ask them, “Do you want me to ask about how things are going, or wait until you share it?” Some feel that infertility is a private matter, others seek support.

Lastly, if you or a loved one is experiencing infertility, Resolve, a national infertility association, can be an excellent resource. Find information about family-building, the emotions of infertility and information on peer-lead support groups. Go to resolve.org, and hang in there.

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Whitney Barrell, LCSW, has a master's of social work from the University of Utah. In her private practice she enjoys working with children and families on myriad mental health issues. She can be reached at www.whitneybarrellcounseling.com

Resolution Should Haves

Apparently one of my New Years resolutions should have been blogging. I sure have been slacking. Here's what's been up with us:

At the end of January, Adam's Grandpa J turned 94. We were able to visit with him earlier in the month and listen to his classic Grandpa J stories while pop music played in the background. Haha! We learned that he taught soldiers how to operator turrets during WWII. Happy Birthday Grandpa J! Here's to many more!

In January I also finished 2 sewing projects- a little girl petal dress and tying a twin sized boy quilt called Popsicle Sticks. My mom and Adam helped tie the quilt and my mom did the binding. Some of the strips in the quilt are from Adam's old ties.

While I played with Locklynn and Abby, Adam helped my dad work on building a wall of book shelves. I helped Abby give Locklynn his very first bubble bath and she did a gel manicure on me.

I so love my family!

The End of 2013

Adam and I ended 2013 with a bang. Here are some highlights of what we have been up to:

December 20th 2013- We went to the Mystique dinner theater for my work Christmas party and watched the production of White Christmas. White Christmas may be our favorite Christmas movie. We love it.

December 24th 2013- During the day, we scrambled to finish making Christmas gifts for Adam's nieces and nephews. We spent the evening at my grandparents house eating goodies and playing games.

Grandma wouldn't let us get a good picture of her.

We opened up some presents back at my parents house. Adam and I gave Lock some bath toys. He loved them.

Lock's sign language for "Thank you."

Then, Locklynn, Abby, Nate, Adam, and I spent the night together waiting for Santa to come. Adam and I tried to sleep, we shared a twin mattress, but the problem was that Nate was snoring up a storm!

December 25th 2013- We had a very Merry Christmas. After opening presents, we began the day by eating crepes, sausage, and hash browns.

And I loved that Locklynn would only open up his presents if he was sitting on my lap.

December 26th 2013- Adam and I gave each other cross country skis for Christmas. We took 'em out for a a try and had a lot of fun at Kelly Canyon. I feel kind of good about myself because I am better at it than Adam. He can not stop when he is going down hill!

I have to admit that I was pretty sore the next few days though!

December 27th 2013- We spent the morning doing temple sealings with my parents. In the evening we went to Adam's parents house to spend time with them and Alesha, Tiffany, Darl, and their kiddos. Adam built Kayden a jewelry box. She liked it after she figured out what it was. Sam loved his wooden tool set and Riley loved her wands and play money.

December 28th 2013- We saw Frozen with Adam's family.

December 30th 2013- We ate lunch at Cafe Rio with our friends Taylor and Vanessa who were home visiting from Arkansas.We also bid ado to Tiffany, Darl, and the kids. Before they left Adam, Alesha, Tiffany, Karen, and I decided to see how strong we were by bench pressing Riley. No suprise to me, but I was the only one that couldn't do it!

January 1st 2014- After all of that time in Idaho Falls with family and friends, we are back on our own at home. Today we brought in the new year by cross country skiing on Scout Mountain. Adam's downhill skills have perhaps gotten worse. He fell at least 6 times today. Last night, while we waited for the famous ball to drop we watched Turbo and Oz The Great and the Powerful. We also ate Indian take out and brownie earthquakes. It has been so nice to spend time together and with family. I am super bummed to go back to work tomorrow. Lucky Adam doesn't have to go back to school until the 13th.

2013 In Review

This is the time of year that mailboxes fill up with Christmas cards and newsletters. Unfortunately for you, we have yet to start that annual tradition. However, you luck out because you have a whole year’s worth of blog posts to review, and to make things easier this post will be a review of our year! It has been a year of ups and downs to say the least. 

Adam has completed 1 ½ years of graduate school. This means that he is officially half way through his Physical Therapy program and ½ of a Physical Therapist. This year he did an internship in Soda Springs, ID and West Valley, UT. Both clinics offered him a job at the completion of his schooling. I am super proud of him! Of course you all know Adam… all work and no play make Adam a dull boy. So, he plays all of the time. He went hunting a bunch this year and even harvested 2 Forest Grouse (or gross! JK)

I, Katie, have been keeping busy with bringing home the bacon as Adam’s sugar momma. I can also always be found with a book in hand or working on a sewing project. This year I also decided to enroll in an online photography class and a photo editing class. They didn’t work out so much, but I stuck up for myself and got all of our money back, which was a big accomplishment. Another big thing for me this year was going to the General Women’s conference in Utah. 

We didn’t go on any big exciting vacations this year, but we found fun things to do around the area. For Adam’s spring break, we went to Utah and enjoyed the color festival. We also visited the Salt Lake, Brigham City, and Oquirrh Mountain temples this year. We took a trip to Yellowstone with Adam’s parents and siblings. Although it might be surprising, I went camping TWICE this year. On one of our camping trips we got to see hot air balloons in Driggs. 

Here’s something unusual about this year, we didn’t move. That is something we’ve been used to doing during our college career.  I, for one, experienced the “it’s been a year and we haven’t moved” itch. We rearranged our furniture… twice… instead.

As always, we are still trying to adopt. We held another adoption garage sale this year and we continually collect things to recycle to help boost our funds. 

Last, but not least, we bought each other cross country skis for Christmas. We had gone cross country skiing at the beginning of the year and had a lot of fun. We are looking forward to exploring the local back country and mastering our cross country skills.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Love,

The Johnsons

Our Loss, Heaven's Gain

Spoiler Alert: THIS IS A SAD POST
 

You may have noticed that our blog recently went through a name change. It seemed to be a fitting change because it seemed like all of our dreams WERE coming true. At the beginning of November (ironically right after our adoption home study renewal) we found out that we were pregnant. We took 3 tests for proof. What an unexpected miracle! At a very unexpected time! Not only had we just renewed our home study, but Adam was going to be living in Utah for an internship for 6 weeks. Really?!

But, the miracle came with unexpected feelings for both of us. I would say that we both were a little traumatized from our experience with Baby J. I wanted to be ecstatic, but I have to be honest in saying that I felt a little numb. Was this real? Would this last? Would this pregnancy be different from last time? What about our adoption dream? 

I had already reconciled with myself that I would NEVER get pregnant again, NEVER give birth, and NEVER breastfeed. We figured there was a different path for us. Plus, I was scared out of my mind. We both were, but Adam put on a brave facade. I was scared to open up my heart. Scared to dream. Scared to have hope. Scared to get attached.

Little by little I was getting excited. I was opening up my heart. I was trying to have faith and hope. We were trying to come up with a name for the baby so that we didn’t just have to call it BABY for months. I had purchased a few maternity clothes. I had pinned bunches of announcement ideas, gender reveal ideas, ect on secret Pinterest boards. We even started telling people. We wanted to be careful, but we wanted to make sure we had support if something happened. At the Thanksgiving get together we asked for a family fast and family prayers. Friends, family, and coworkers were praying for us and our names had been put on the prayer list at multiple temples.

This is the announcement we were going to use to tell our good news. I tried to rotate the picture, but it wouldn't stay that way.

We had every reason to think that this pregnancy would be different, but being me I couldn’t shake the WHAT IFS. I was working closely with my doctor. I had priesthood blessings. I was taking progesterone. I was getting off of my anxiety medicine. I was constantly praying. I was taking things easy. In the end though, we still miscarried. 

This miscarriage seems different than with Baby J though. Maybe this time we were stronger and better prepared for the miscarriage that came just 2 days after Thanksgiving. It is just so crazy. This pregnancy was almost exactly 3 years after we had been pregnant with Baby J. It lasted almost the same amount of time too.

Although we feel like we are handling this miscarriage better than last time and we don’t want to suffer in silence, we aren’t really ready to talk about it either. I didn’t talk to my mom for a full day.

I am trying not to think about things and trying to be positive. I am grateful that I had a chance to be pregnant again. I am grateful for an awesome husband who loves this infertile Myrtle even when he wanted to have a house full of kids. I am grateful for great family, a great ward, and great neighbors. I am grateful for people being understanding and waiting for us to be able to talk about things. I am grateful for our kind doctor. I am grateful for the kind note and gift from my Relief Society president and for the tulips from the girls at work. I am also grateful for our two children in heaven. I guess now Baby J won’t be lonely. We will have a little family waiting for us in Heaven, we just need to keep living our lives with them in mind. UNTIL FOREVER.

2013 Turkey Day

Adam and I alternate which family we spend the majority of a holiday with. This year we were with Adam's family for Thanksgiving and we will be with my family for Christmas. Adam and Darl did a Turkey trot fun run on Thanksgiving morning. It was put on by the PT clinic where Adam is interning. Darl took 1st and Adam took 2nd.

While Adam was running, I was spending time with the nieces and nephews and helping with meal prep. I helped peel potatoes for mashed potatoes, but poor Sam had to pick up all the peels that missed the garbage! I assisted Kayden in making a pistachio salad and cookie salad. Adam had made a delicious Snickerdoodle Cheesecake the night before. It tasted just like my mom's Snickerdoodle cookies! Yum!

Sam wearing his puppets

When we are with Adam's family for Thanksgiving, we usually go to Utah to spent Thanksgiving with the "M" clan, that is Adam's mom, Karen's, side of the family. The family usually reserves the gym in the church next to the Jordan River temple for half a day. In addition to food, this year they also had crafts/ art projects for the kids, a photo booth, and glow in the dark dodge ball. 

Sam and Kayden

Hailey

Hope y'all had a great time with family, eating turkey, and giving thanks!